Peggy writes a monthly column in Good Housekeeping and an online wedding etiquette column for the New York Times. Anna conducts business etiquette seminars across the country. She has spoken across the country sharing etiquette advice about technology, finance, and lifestyle. Dan conducts business etiquette seminars across the country and internationally. Relationships Q. My parents are divorced and unfriendly to one another. I am at a loss to know how to include everyone in special events such as my children's birthdays and holidays.
How do I know which one to invite? When they both invite us for the same holiday, what do I do so that I don't hurt either one's feelings? They make me feel that I'm abandoning them. We also have my husband's parents to consider. Your sensitivity is admirable, but your priority is with your own family and the creation of holiday traditions that will become your children's own. You cannot make your parents' hostile relationship your problem.
Be frank with each, telling them that you want special times to be relaxed and happy for your children. This means that you cannot spend Christmas, for example, driving to one's home and then the other's, and then to your husband's parents. Consider taking turns celebrating an event on its real date with one, and then have a second celebration on another day with the other. Do not allow them to put you in the middle. Remind them that you love them both but insist that your children be able to spend time with all their grandparents in peace, happiness, and harmony.
Assuming that both your parents are otherwise lovely people, ask your in-law's if your mother or father could be invited to a holiday celebration at their house. For those once-in-a-lifetime events that cannot be duplicated a christening, graduation, recital, or wedding ask your parents if, for the sake of their grandchildren, they couldn't "bury the hatchet" for that day so both could be present.
My ex-husbandand I live in the same town. Our son lives with me, but his stepmother, who has children from a previous marriage, is involved in the same school activities.
The Débutante. Post, Emily. Etiquette
Her children use their father's last name while her last name is the same as my son's and mine. How do we avoid confusion? There is no way to avoid confusion except by explaining.
Eventually, people will figure out who's who. When someone unfamiliar with your situation gets confused, simply say, "Timmy is my son. His father is now married to Sally Anderson. Her children are Janet and Jackie Smith. I have been married for less than a year.
- Account Options.
- Kyrie, Christ the Comforter of the World, from Seventy-Nine Chorales, Op. 28, No. 50.
- When Hell Meets Heaven.
- Found Emily Posts Etiquette 18th.
- Parish Nursing: A Handbook for the New Millennium!
My husband has a fourteen-year-old son from a previous marriage. I think we have established a good relationship. He has a mother who lives nearby. I'm not sure what my role is supposed to be with her. We do meet every so often. Do you have any advice? Good manners dictate that you are at least civil and polite, at most friendly. Good sense dictates that you don't discuss the state of your marriage. As for your stepson, don't give unsolicited advice, although you could offer help: "I know Jason has an orthodontist appointment on Friday.
Questions about his regular bedtime, a curfew she has established, medical care, or other things having to do with her house rules would reassure her that you respect her philosophy and are seeking to support it.
To the Manners Born
Naturally, you would share any discussions of this nature with your husband. Whom do you tell about a divorce? Tell those to whom it makes a difference. Tell your parents and close family and good friends.
Tell your business associates only if they are good friends. Tell the landlord or superintendent and doorman if one of you is keeping the apartment. At times it is necessary to tell doctors and dentists if your children's bills are to be sent to the parent not in custody of the children, and it is wise to notify the school office and your children's teachers.
It is important that they know of any situation that may have an impact on your children's behavior and school performance. Otherwise, it is not necessary to tell anyone. The situation will become public knowledge very quickly when one member of the couple moves out. The one who moves may have change-of-name and -address cards printed, and of course his or her Christmas cards will serve as announcements. A note may be added to them: "As you can see, Bob and I are divorced. Hope to hear from you at my new address.
It is in the worst of taste. What name does a divorced woman use? A divorced woman does not continue to use her husband's first name and is addressed as Mrs. Margaret Thune, not Mrs. Andrew Thune. Does a married woman's name differ from the form a widow uses?
A woman who is currently married and a widow generally use the same form, "Mrs. George Yost. Many older women prefer to continue using their husband's name. Besides one's parents who should be told about a living-together relationship? Relatives need be informed of your new situation in life only as they are involved with your life: siblings whom you see or correspond with--yes; aunts, uncles, and cousins with whom you are in close contact--yes; but the "funeral and wedding relations"--no need.
Of course you tell the friends you see frequently and those to whom you write often. In short, tell anybody who will meet your partner on more than a casual basis and anyone with whom you regularly share the news of your life. You need not announce your relationship to business associates unless you see them socially, but if it comes up in conversation, do not hide it.
It is a good idea to tell the letter carrier that Victor Mangin or Susan Gleason will also be receiving mail at your address from now on. There is no need for further explanation. Tell your landlord, the superintendent, and the door attendant if you have them, so that they will treat your new roommate as another tenant, not as a visitor. Unless you know your neighbors well there is no need to say anything to them, other than a casual introduction if you meet. Nor is there any need to alert local shops. When your partner orders something to be delivered, the address given will be adequate.
What do you call your living-together partner? I have come to the conclusion that the best form of introduction is to use no word of definition at all. In a small group where who relates to whom has more importance, all you need add to the introduction is "the man or woman I live with.
It has been a long time since I have been on a date. Now that I am single again, I need a refresher course on who pays for what, or whether I should just pay my own way, and on whether I can issue an invitation or must wait to be asked. Emily Post's Etiquette.
Higher Etiquette. The Gift of Good Manners. Essential Manners For Men. Manners in a Digital World. Emily Post's Great Get-Togethers. The Unwritten Rules of Golf. Essential Manners for Couples. Teen Manners. Prom and Party Etiquette. The Guide to Good Manners for Kids. Table Manners for Kids. Emily's Everyday Manners. Emily's New Friend.